672 is the International Dialing Code for Antarctica and a song by the Dresden Dolls. We all know what Antarctica is, and for the benefit of the uninformed , the Dresden Dolls are Brechtian Punk Cabaret that are part of the dark cabaret movement. I have no idea what that is either, but thank God for Wikipedia. Have you made your contribution yet?
But 672 is also my Bib Number. It was intended for the Resolution Run but since that race is deferred it is going to be my Bypass Bib. And why not? I am going to have to work and sweat and cry and hopefully laugh and stumble and go forward and go backwards and have fun and have not so much fun and look at something in the mirror that will be less than charming, and reach my hand out for help and take that help and be afraid and have faith and have the willingness to trudge that road of happy destiny.
So I am number 672. So there!

December 30th, 1999

1. Live in Thornhill Condo just off Young Street, about one km away from good coffee.
2. Christmas was spent at my mom’s house in Gravenhurst.
3. One cat lives with us.
4. Worries include the dreaded Y2K – how will the world survive the click into the new millennium?
5. If a Canadian Solider died in a training exercise, it would be the lead story on The National.
6. The occasional glance at the RRSP profile was reassuring.
7. Main exercise was walking around the block – maybe.
8. Ticking off wedding anniversary dates by the month.
9. Had major dental surgery earlier in the year – whew!! That was rough, Valium and Demerol drip, laughing gas, and Novocain. Had to take day off work.
10. Wondering why I pay all that money into OHIP.
11. Appalled at guns and gun owners.
12. Still used Walkman.
13. Goodie, Goodie, we are flying to Tampa – we had better get there at least an hour early in case the airport is busy.
14. Thought that Prorogue was just a mispronouncing of the band Pogues.
15. What I would not do to be Conrad Black.
16. A solid group of friends that I can meet up with any night of the week for counsel and wisdom.

December 30th, 2009

1. Live in the country, west of Ottawa about 12 km away from really really good coffee.
2. Christmas spent at our house – just the two of us. My wife’s parents died in the nineties as did my father, my mother died in 2001.
3. Three cats officially live with us, one cat boards with us, one beagle does whatever he wants.
4. Worried about terrorism, Afghanistan, global warming, financial meltdown.
5. We are not so blasé and “used to it” that the news does not report a military death, but still …..
6. Just getting back to looking at RRSP statements.
7. Up until late October active kayaker, runner, walker, cyclist. Still “all of the above” - just in holding pattern.
8. Ticking off wedding anniversaries by the year with train rides.
9. One less than competently done stress test, one colonoscopy, one echocardiogram, six + ordinary cardiograms, one myocardial perfusion scan, one angiogram and I have lost count of blood samples.
10. OHIP – why is so underfunded?
11. Still not a fan of guns, but sure glad that the neighbours got ‘em.
12. Embarrassed that my 2008 iPod is so big …. Just gotta swallow my pride and live with it.
13. Flying to the US? Ahh, maybe we just cash in the tickets and buy a slimmer iPod.
14. It must be winter so Parliament is being prorogued.
15. And the punch line is ……. Conrad Black.
16. A solid group of friends that I can meet up with any night of the week for counsel and wisdom.
    
    

It is a dark December Monday the 28th. A lot of workplaces are closed as it the celebration of Boxing Day as the 26th was on a Saturday. But of course if you work in retail, hospitality, medicine, and the like it is just a workday
I cleaned out the medicine drawer / cabinet today. Year old ASA, two year old Contact C; I even learned that liquid bandages have a shelf life. I am sort of cleaning out the old and out of date, in anticipation of getting new, mind you prescription medicine. But it is good to be rid of the old for obvious reasons.
I ordered up my third nitroglycerin spray. I feel a bit guilty as it is covered by my employer’s drug plan and I have not used any of the spray, except in the early days when I was a little more than usually paranoid. But if I ever do need a shot of spray I want to be bloody sure it is close by … that is the reason for the extras.
I am reading a perfect book for a gloomy December’s day: Every Man Dies Alone by Hans Fallada. It is the tale of what it was like to live in Nazi Berlin during the war and tells of a couple sending out subversive, anti Nazi postcards and the havoc that creates. I am only half way through but the characters are so scary and so real: from the petty sleazy informers, to the sadistic SS and Gestapo thugs. The resistance people are not of the movie fantasy type but real, brave and stoic. The book was written in 1947 in a mere 24 days by someone who was there , albeit while having an alcohol accelerated psychotic breakdown, which likely adds to the book than detracting from it. What is so nerve jangling about the book is that I think it describes what could easily happen today , here and now. I am only half way through but I will have to compare what my notes today to when I finish the book.
I have no idea of course how I will fare and what I will do during my days of convalescence and recovery. As illogical as it sounds, part of me is reluctant to even speculate on it for fear of jinxing something that I don’t even know. ( I told you it is illogical). But one of the things I hope that I can do is read. I really would like to assemble a list of books that I should read. I will be convalescing during the Olympics and at the risk of being branded an unpatriotic, apathetic, cynical flake the Olympics do not interest me one iota. I cannot name one athlete who will be there (with the exception of a handful of hockey players) . I do not watch or care about luge ordinarily and I certainly do not care about it in Olympic Years. I hope that there is no terrorism during the games, I hope that Canada wins a hundred gold medals, I hope that CTV and the Bay make oodles and oodles of money, I hope that it goes down in history as a Great Games, but none of this is going to happen on my recovery time. I want to walk and talk and get better and do all the doctors say to do and read. Note to self – start soliciting reading suggestions from friends. Note to friends - be aware.

Everything happens in a time and a place so here I am Christmas 2009 in Canada in the Ottawa Valley. It is hard to not think of blessings. In terms of time, 2009 is handy.

The environment has not crashed and burned in any way that most people notice. “Running Out of Oil” is still in everyday lexicon, considered more as crank idea than worry. The economy is supposed to be coming back and the specter of high interest rates is somewhere beyond the horizon.

I can take cheap shots at the Prime Minister and the woman who claims to be our Member of Parliament without going to prison for 11 years. No one knocked anyone over at Mass yesterday, at least where I was.

I got a nice bounty of presents for Christmas including a fancy bowl for my bread making, a plaid shirt so I can look country while keeping warm, some chocolates that I have vowed not to eat until after surgery, a little bear called Henderson, and a nice black hoodie with a tiny little University of Ottawa Heart Institute Logo on it.

Ah, the University of Ottawa Heart Institute: How can I not be grateful about them? The plan (and I am smart enough to know that plans change) is that a month today I will have my surgery. I can accept that intellectually but emotionally it is beyond me. Thank God for One Day at a Time.

I live in a warm house. We had Apple Pancakes for breakfast. There is food in the pantry and refrigerator. I have spoken to friends today. I even got a really sweet call from the owners of a cabin that we stay at every October. They wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas and ask how I am doing.

My wife is in the kitchen making tourtiere for tomorrow. (yes, yes, yes - it is low fat , made with turkey and minimal salt, I am ignoring how much Crisco in the crust). We have been married ten years. She annoys me and I annoy here. I have bad habits. She has bad habits. But the love and strength and hope and inspiration and humour and support and conversation and corrective suggestions she offers makes whatever journey I have to do one I can do with confidence and freedom of fear. (and she does not do that many corrective suggestions for me .. I just had to toss that in)

When you have so much, you (well at least me), can’t help about worrying about losing it. I do think that we are not paying enough attention to the planet nor future energy needs. The government seems to be managing the economy by just paying Visa the minimum balance. And despite my despair on the PM and his cronies, he is in charge fair and square by our choice.

Health comes and health goes. I have every confidence that I will have a great outcome in this journey but it is not in my hands. It is funny what goes through the brain at two in the morning.

But all this is a function of time and space just like I said in the opening to this. I cannot imagine being in a better time or better place. I am truly blessed.

I have been good busy lately, so have not blogged (if indeed that is a word and verb) for a bit. I ended up getting an unexpected cash bonus at work today that, after taxes, ends up being about $1000. Since this was “found” money, really not anticipated at all, I first thought of getting some sort of iPod , speaker link, radio gizmo that I figured would be handy during my convalescence.
There is a scene in the movie “The Polar Express” that is the “Graveyard of Broken Toys” or something like that (I apologize to the real PE fans for not paying attention) . Anyway, there is a whole train car of abandoned and broken toys. I have a Graveyard of Broken and Abandoned Electronics. I very quickly decided it would be immoral for me to add to that so instead I am going to give the money away. Some to the Salvation Army. (my favorite charity and I am not the only one that thinks that http://salvationist.ca/2009/12/hope-at-pier-21/) and some to something else. Maybe Bicycles for Humanity, maybe the local hospital, maybe just to the food bank – I don’t know but it is really fun trying to decide. I am backing off anything to do with hearts until I get fixed!! (I just hope no one from the University of Ottawa Heart Institute is reading this!!)

This may sound nuts but I am really looking forward to my bypass surgery. I feel like I have been chosen for some greater purpose. Some may think that pretentious, some may think it wishful thinking on my part and for all I know that greater purpose may to be the punch line of a joke. But I just think that I have been given an opportunity to look at what is important to me, what I value, what I stand for, what I fear, what I love, what is important, what I have faith in, what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, what I think about God. How great a gift is that?

Believe me, I am not running around saying “La la la, I am getting a bypass, I am betting a bypass”. I am frightened at times and replaying my life to figure out how I got here. But that is background noise. The main show is this real excitement and gratitude that I have for this.

Life still goes on in all of its glory. We put up the Christmas Tree on Sunday. Okay, my WIFE put it up. On Saturday we bought groceries including baking supplies and smoked salmon. I put the baking stuff on the table in the bag knowing that we would need them. The problem was that we did not really need them until Monday when I discovered the smoked salmon was there as well. $15 in the trash!! Work goes on. I had Indian food for lunch. (not always the heart healthiest stuff in the world) The Prime Minster does his annual CTV kissy-kissy. Maybe snow on Christmas, maybe not. I am off to see good friends in White Lake tonight. Annie Lennox and Al Green on the radio with “Put a Little Love in Your Heart”. I love the song but it is too small for me, I want a lot of love.

I don’t live in my house alone which is a very good thing. I am getting tired of moaning about surgery (I will get back to that) so I would like to talk about my house mates. The most important is my wife but I will get to her later.
We have one dog and four cats and the Head Cat is Mikla. It is a long story. My wife and I married only ten years ago. I had no pets and she had one Calico Cat who moved in as well. The Calico and I never really became bosom buddies but we had an understanding. I was not a cat person but we got along in our own way. The cat became ill, and we (meaning my wife) had to put the Calico down in very early December 2004; in fact it was a Thursday. I was out of town but returned on the Friday.
My wife had dropped of the cat’s toys, left over litter, food and the like to the local animal shelter and told me how impressed she was with the cleanliness of the shelter and the enthusiasm and professionalism of the staff. She had told one of the managers that she would be back in the spring to pick up two female kittens from the same litter. My wife told me that we should drop into the shelter on the Saturday morning to “just look around”. I said “no way” as 1) it was take your picture with Santa and a Pet Day and I knew the place would be crawling with people and taking your picture with Santa and Pet was silly and 2) my wife, being emotional would be at risk for coming out of the shelter with a cat.
My wife is not perfect but she does not nag. But she did mention again that it would be nice if we dropped in just to look and being accommodating I agreed. I was right. Kids, Santa, pets, cats, dogs. I , being not an ogre, sat on the floor in the Kitten Cuddle Room. A cute little white kitty cat with some little orange markings made a bee line towards me. He ran up my arm and nestled under my neck in my jacket. He purred and purred and purred and nuzzled nuzzled nuzzled. He licked my chin with a perfect little tongue and stared at me like I was his long lost father. Some dust got in my eye and it watered. My wife said that we may as well get another cat to keep this little one company. She picked a grey two year old cat.
As we paid the adoption fee the manager asked about the two female kittens in the spring. My wife pretended not to hear.
Anyway, the white kitten became Mikla and the two year old became Tumsa. Poor old Tumsa became ill after about one year and had to be put down and I will come back to that. But Mikla is the Alpha Animal of the house: In charge, the Boss, but still likes to cuddle and warm his toes on your pillow. Okay, enough on Mikla, there are three more cats.

Today a bunch of stuff came in the mail from the University of Ottawa Heart Institute:

Your Guide to the University of Ottawa Heart Institute (I had better start calling it by the proper name) : I did not know for example, that the UOHI “is Canada’s largest and foremost cardiovascular health centre dedicated to understanding, treating, and preventing heart disease”. It talks about mission, values, and all that sort of lofty stuff as well as the nitty gritty of stuff like who does what, infection control, educational services, and really all that you need to know.

Cardiac Surgery – Important Information for Patients and Friends - This is the real stuff you need to know, like how long you will be there ( 4 – 7 days), the tests to pass before you get to go home (walk 120 meters and climb 9 stairs), what you can hang on during surgery (just what God and your mama gave you) , estimated surgery time ( 4 -6 hours), and visiting hours (it depends where you are at).

Anesthesia Patient Information - God Bless the Pain Relievers!!! You get to pop pills before and of course they take care of you while you are having surgery. Funniest Line – “You will still be connected to the breathing machine when you wake up from surgery, You will be not able to speak and the breathing tube may be somewhat uncomfortable”

Cardiac Surgery Clinical Pathway – The game plan:
Surgery Day – Shaving and Special Shower: Then drugs, then briefly meet the OR team, then more drugs, then blackness, then awake to breathing tube down trachea, monitoring equipment and intravenous lines, a tube that goes into your snout and down into the stomach to keep it empty, a tube in your bladder, a chest incision and drainage tubes, a few body incisions and temporary pacemaker wires. Plus more drugs. I am not sure if I should cry or laugh. There is a chance the breathing tube comes out that day or maybe early the next morning. You get oxygen from a mask and do two things: Meet Teddy (who I think is your pillow) and learn what DB & C means : Deep Breathing and Coughing Exercises,

Day I

The big task is to walk 32 metres and you get to sit in a chair. You get to drink fluids. I read this with a sort of disbelief. I have walked a few 15 kilometer hikes this summer past, regularly went on 20 K bike rides and my jogging took me about 3.5 K four times a week. When my father was dying he said that the thing that really amazed him was the incredible fatigue that took his body over. I hardly will be dying but just the weakness is one of those things that my mind cannot imagine.
Continue relationship with the mysterious Teddy and more DB & C.

Day II

The funny line here is not to forget to let your nurse know if you are in pain. I think I have that covered. The big task today is sitting in a chair while you eat and you walk 60 metres. You graduate from oxygen mask to oxygen prongs. I get one of my long standing fantasies fulfilled – Gymnastics in bed, albeit in a different way than in Penthouse Forum (does that still exist?)
Continue relationship with the mysterious Teddy and more DB & C.


Day III
Walk 120 meters. ( at this rate by Day 16 I will be walking 938,040 metres but I imagine the curve is not exponential). Reminder to let the nurse know if you are in pain.
Continue relationship with the mysterious Teddy and more DB & C.

Day IV
The Frankenstein wires are removed and you get to take a shower. Now the taskmasters want you to do stairs.
Continue relationship with the mysterious Teddy and more DB & C

Day V
Home!! (maybe, my Source of All Positive Energy may have other plans)


There was more information but I suspect my guest readers will not want to know about anal swabs to ferret out (maybe poor choice of words) Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus and Vancomycin Resistant Enterococcus.

Interesting reading : I am going for a walk in the park – well, to paraphrase Winston Churchill just a bit Some Walk ….. Some Park. .