There are few narratives in the Christian Scriptures that compel me more to thought than the story of the conversion of Saul to Paul.


Acts of the Apostles Chapter 22

About noon as I came near Damascus, suddenly a bright light from heaven flashed around me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice say to me, ‘Saul! Saul! Why do you persecute me?’
‘Who are you, Lord?’ I asked.
‘I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. My companions saw the light, but they did not understand the voice of him who was speaking to me.
What shall I do, Lord?’ I asked.
“ ‘Get up,’ the Lord said, ‘and go into Damascus. There you will be told all that you have been assigned to do.’ My companions led me by the hand into Damascus, because the brilliance of the light had blinded me.

Some people explain this to me a fact of history and then use it as a test of worthiness: If you believe this exactly as written you are worthy. You are either hot or cold, you are either a believer or not a believer, you are either worthy or unworthy. Not that I should let what others think trouble me, but I find this explanation and understanding very sad. I find that it belittles what to me is a great and wonderful lesson.

Saul of Tarsus of Cilicia was a man of great power and prestige and presumably wealth. He was at the top of the heap in the Jewish hierarchy and at the same time a Roman Citizen. I can relate to him – I am a citizen of Canada and am amongst the wealthiest elite that the planet has ever known in terms of the resources that I consume. As I write this I am sitting by a warm fire drinking hot apple cider. I am getting warm after going for my outdoor exercise wearing a pair of $145 running shoes and all kinds of fancy layered and reflective pieces of clothing. I took my sourdough starter out of the refrigerator and am creating a sponge for bread that I need tomorrow for a toboggans party. My wife and I are looking at getting a new car. All this while people in Tunisia and Egypt are being brutalized. I have a lot in common with Saul of Tarsus of Cilicia

Yet he changed. Or I think more correctly, he was willing to change, and he was willing to learn. If you have quarrel with what I say, read the text again. No one forced him to go on to Damascus; he did it of his own free will. And he further was told that he would be taught what he had to do. It is also compelling that his companions saw the light but did not know what was happening. Or was it that they just were not listening?

Last year I wrote that Saul became Paul when he was hit by a flash of empathy and I still think that to be true but not the whole story. I think that Paul, when he heard the voice of Jesus heard the voice of all humanity. Humanity was telling him that he was not connected, that he was a taker and not a giver, that he, worse of all was not even alive. The Conversion of Paul is the story of how we are only alive and have worth if we are connected to humanity. That is what Christ taught in all those parts of the Bible that are in red ink. I am not capable of interpreting it in any other way.

Which brings this back to me. Why am I so afraid of Paul and desire to remain Saul?