Thursday, December 29, 2011

I got to apologize to a friend today. A couple of weeks ago I met this friend at a dinner, and being the great wit that I think I am, I made a joke at the friend's expense. He laughed (at least that is my recollection) and others laughed and I thought that I could chalk another one up in my repertoire. How wrong I was.
The friend mentioned to my wife, the other day, that I had hurt him, that he knew that I had not done so with malice but nonetheless I caused him pain, but he was reluctant to tell me for fear of upsetting me, but he decided to tell my wife as he had to "get it off his chest"
My initial reaction was self pity - I felt sorry for myself because I now felt badly. I was also suffering from disappointment in my failure to communicate my joke in being humorous as opposed to hurtful. I don't think that one can really do much with preliminary reactions that zap to the front lobe of your brain. But I have, in albeit a small way, learned not to act upon or react to these initial reactions.
So, first of all I had to dismiss feeling sorry for myself. I was in no way the victim here. Then my "failure to communicate" .... . This is not Cool Hand Luke, this is real life. If my mouth hurt someone, that is the way it is and no amount of rationalization or justification or edification changes that.
So what then remains? I uttered something hurtful .... end of story. I cannot, like Superman, fly counterclockwise (or is it clockwise?) to the rotation of the earth faster than the speed of light and go back in time and unsay what I said. The only option was to admit I was wrong and say sorry to the man, which I did. When we were wrong promptly admitted it, as some of my friends say.
So I made the apology and it was accepted and we are still friends. So why am I writing about this? It reminds me that I am far from perfect and make mistakes. It reminds me that when someone says something that I perceive as hurtful to me, that is is likely that the person met no malice. It reminds me that honesty is, if not always the best policy, it is a very good policy , and things are better on the table than under the rug. It reminds me that the three little words "I AM SORRY" are liberating, humbling, healing, and satisfying.
Most readers of my ramblings are doubtless more emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually more mature that I, so I do apologize for stating the obvious about apologies. But it was a good day of learning and maturing for me .... sort of a late present under the tree.

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