Well, another day and another call from the Ottawa Heart Institute. Today it was a call from part of the prep team. I have to be on the second floor at 8:30 in the morning on January 21st, 2010. X-ray, blood test, cardiogram, meet with cardiac surgeon, meet the anesthetist, the nursing team, some recovery people and maybe a few surprise guests. It is an all day affair – well until 3:30 anyway.

It is strange to get my head around all of this. To all the health professionals that I am seeing, it is another day at the office. They would go mad if they looked at it any other way. But to me it is aaaarrrrgggghhhh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious yowza!! I keep trying to figure out how I feel and I think I am 10 years old and about to go on a roller coaster. I can see it in the distance and I want to go on it. I have told my father and he has agreed. The ticket is bought and out of the corner of my eye I see the little elf guy with the outstretched hand. You have to be taller than that, and I make it! But I am not sure if I am totally happy that I made the cut. So we are now in line. I hear the rattle, I hear the screams. I soon will be on it! Wonderful! Dreadful! I wish it would speed up! I wish it would slow down! I want to be on! I want to be off!

What if the cardiac surgeon doesn’t like me? What if he says he can’t do anything? What if there is a nurse’s strike? What if we get a flat tire on the way to the hospital? What if they made a mistake? What if they are right? What if God is mad at me? What if God does not pay attention? What if God is testing me? What if my whole existence is to be a warning to others? What if I write a book and it gets picked by Oprah and I go on the show but I accidentally insult her and she yanks her endorsement? What if the cardiac surgeon is perfect but due for a mistake? What if Stephen Harper decides to get even for all the cheap shots?

The only good thing is that I am still totally rational.