Today I am going to try hobble together my memories of how things were.

Tuesday February 23rd, 2010

I take my last fancy hospital soap shower at our friend’s house over in Westboro and then we are off to the University of Ottawa Heart Institute. The waiting area in front of the Pre Admission Unit is full but I get to bypass (get it …… bypass) all the folks in for sissy stuff and, just like American Express, get to the Front of the Line. After signing the paperwork, I was into the routine that I now knew: undress, put on hospital gown, get shaved, shower, put on new gown, and hop back into your bed. “Boy oh boy” I thought, "I am sure getting sick of these showers". That sickness would soon be solved.

I was chitchatting with my wife while the nurses waited for the call from below that they were coming to get me, so the nurses could give me my little multipill cocktail for calming purposes. The quiet is broken by a gurney being rolled in …. What’s that? Oh, it’s for me?!?!? I am given my happy pills, go for a quick pee and I am wheeled down. My wife leans over at the Rubicon to kiss my cheek but the orderly lifts off my oxygen mask so we can kiss on the lips. It is about 12:10 pm

I am wheeled into the duck pond that is just outside the OR doors but this time things go bang, bang, bang: meet an OR Nurse, meet one of the surgeons, meet the anesthetist again ( we had briefly spoken upstairs) and then into the Operation Room herself.

Then I am wheeled next to the table, slid onto it and yes it is hard and cool, but I don’t really notice. What I notice are the very funky lights that shine on us – mainly white but a few reds and blues and greens thrown in. I am making light (another pun?) of everything to make the staff relaxed. I ask about the lights, I ask about the wicked looking spreader things, I ask about the head covers people are wearing. I notice that the anesthetist is working particularly quickly.

There must have been evening and there must have been morning but it certainly was the first day.

Wednesday February 24th
(part 1)

I hear my name being called and I open my eyes. I know instantly exactly where I am – I am in the Intensive Care Recovery Unit of the University of Ottawa Heart Institute. The day before this past Valentine’s Day Richard Rohr published a reflection on being Aware and Alive
(for those really interested http://www.cacradicalgrace.org/scotmail/scotmail.mvc?md=1265490964&ea=flatrapids@gmail.com&gp=1176417192

In my drug filled mind that came to me in its simplest version – I was aware and alive. Two kids in medical garb were looking at me: Carly and Kevin. Of course calling them kids is pretty juvenile on my part; they were in reality highly trained and gatekeepers of my life. Kevin told me that they were about to remove my breathing tube so that I could talk. I felt a bit groggy, a bit nauseous, but very secure and surprisingly pain free. The breathing tube comes out and I tell the nurses about my nausea. It is not that bad, but there are places and times not to puke and this is one of them. They suspect that I may be allergic to the cheap morphine but I will be upgraded to the better stuff. Kevin gives me a couple of Tylenol to swallow. I start rambling about generic acetaminophen versus the product from McNeil and Johnson and Johnson and would they want the pills called Tylenol if in fact they were generic but how I was sure the hospital would get good deal on the real thing because it would be to the advantage of McNeil , which by the way is only a division of Johnson and Johnson, and whether or not Johnson and Johnson really is a family opened company. They mess with the intravenous and I seem to nod off again.

I am partially lucid in thought – I figure out the connection between the world economy, the coming oil shortage, and climate change. It is so simple, so doable and will earn me Noble Prizes in economics, peace, and possibly physics. My brain swells with elation endorphins but within moments I forget it all. If only I had brought a tape recorder.

There is more to tell but the fatigue is creeping in for today..