In case anybody is wondering, I am also frightened: frightened of dying , frightened of pain, frightened of scars, frightened of depression, frightened of being in the small percentage where this does not work, frightened of taking on more that I can handle, frightened of giving my wife more than she can handle, and frightened of fear. In fact fear has become the “F” word that worries me now.

Or is it that I am anxious about dying, anxious about pain, anxious about scars, anxious about depression , anxious about being in the small percentage where this does not work, anxious about taking on more that I can handle, anxious about giving my wife more that she can handle and anxious about being anxious. Has anxiety become the new “A” word for me? And what would the old “A” word be?

Or is it that I am worried about dying, worried about pain, worried about scars, worried about depression, worried about being in the small percentage where this does not work, worried about taking on more that I can handle, worried about giving my wife more that she can handle and worried about being worried. Has worry become the new “W” word for me? And what would the old “W” word be?

So I am simultaneously frightened, anxious and worried. What happened to my prayer? Well, prayer is tricky. I was granted freedom from fear, not no fear. Freedom means that you are not under the control of something. Praying for no fear is like praying for stupidity. If I had no fear I would pick up rattlesnakes, kayak without a PFD, and vote for Stephen Harper.

I have good fear, good anxiety, and good worry. It really makes me show how much I cherish life itself. My wife came home from her office today and I was home. I made whole wheat spaghetti with garlic and peppercorns for dinner, my wife looked for misplaced shoes, the beagle and one of the cats salivated while we ate. That is life. That is love. That is what I cherish. Those little things I fear, have anxiety on, and worry about are not going to overpower life. So there!!!!